


Bloodmoon Jhin: Intrusive Thoughts

by TentaChicken



Series: Bloodmoon Jhin's Tale [4]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Gen, a while back... it was when i was going through some retrospection, something i wrote while in the car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 17:23:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12040656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TentaChicken/pseuds/TentaChicken
Summary: Bloodmoon Jhin hears voices. They tell him things. Bad things. Finally, he goes to deal with them, with an unlikely helper.Again, for my Jhin I RP as.(Michael the Mage again, who's gone completely insane. Don't know who he is? Welp, read the previous story.)





	Bloodmoon Jhin: Intrusive Thoughts

Jhin had always known he had voices in his head. Often they came out of nowhere, and would be merciless in their torment. They would often mock, ridicule and jab him when he was most vulnerable. That had ceased a long while ago, probably a few decades ago. Jhin hadn't heard anything for years.

Until now.

It had started up again when Jhin began to crawl slowly out of solitude, out of isolation. Like a starved street dog, he began tailing people, talking to them, and started to build up regular acquaintances. It was something he hadn't bet on doing, but there was something about silence and being alone that was pure torment to him.

This yearning for company again only served to make Jhin feel even lonelier. The voices in his head, sensing his newfound vulnerability, were merciless on their attack. They came in waves, often attacking when he thought things had quieted down. It seemed as if every second he was away from someone, they would come back in hordes, just to torment him again.

_"Weakness. As if anyone could truly love a beast like you."_

_"What do you know of love? You've never understood it and you never will."_

**_"YOU DESERVE NOTHING."_ **

_"They will leave. Or if they stay, they will die. You know you aren't stable."_

_"Your pride will hurt them, and you know you're too stubborn to admit it."_

_"Remember what happened before? That's what happens when you're near people. Regrets."_

Jhin knew the thoughts were wrong. So what if he needed company of mortals? It did not matter what others thought. All the voices were wrong. Well, maybe not all of them. Some of the voices only served to whisper his fears and insecurities to him, which didn't help matters. He tried hard to ignore them, block them, but the voices persisted.

_"Even demons mock you. A real demon wouldn't feel so weak and pathetic."_

_"You killed them. You gave them a fate worse than death. Don't you feel that guilt?"_

**_"NOTHING."_ **

_"If you knew any better, you would end yourself before you hurt yourself or others again."_

_"Do you even... remember?"_

There were certain times when the voices became much too loud for him to handle. He would break. Sometimes, it occurred when someone was near him. It was the worst when the voices attacked when Jhin was spending his time with Michael. He already felt enough guilt without ruining him more.

"M-michael." Jhin whispered, his hands and claws coated in Michael's blood yet again. He stared down at the quivering body before him, and felt a surge of terrible guilt. Michael's pained gasps and moans caused Jhin's chest to tighten. Michael didn't need more gashes on his flesh, he was barely recovering from... the previous time. "I-I'm sor-" His apology was interrupted by Michael emitting a soft gurgle, and Jhin became silent.

Jhin didn't even know why he returned to the cursed dungeon. He knew there was nothing that could be done, and yet... as if he could help Michael by feeding and watering him, as if that would make the rest of his suffering somehow less. Michael coughed up more blood, and let out a low whine, his deformed chest heaving desperately to breathe, bringing air to his mangled body. His ribs had barely managed to heal, but it didn't look good as new. Jhin slumped next to Michael, and stared as he gasped for air. There was really nothing he could do. 

No other cruel action ever haunted him like what he had done to Michael. Jhin had long gave up trying to convince himself that Michael deserved his fate. No one, no one deserved to be suffering for eternity, driven insane by pain and solitude, and reduced to a whimpering barely surviving mass of blood and bones, unable to do even the simplest of tasks.

Jhin recovered from his haze and stood up, and got a small bowl of river water, scooped from the bucket he had brought earlier. He used the bowl to wash Michael's wounds, as if it would help the healing process. Jhin whispered comforting words to Michael, who hissed and twitched as every splash of water hit his stinging pale flesh.

Michael eventually stopped shuddering, and let out a long sigh as the gashes began to scab over, albeit barely. He slowly crawled over to Jhin's lap, and curled there, laying his head on Jhin's thigh. No matter what Jhin did, Michael could not die, or ever show hatred to him. Jhin didn't know which depressed him more. 

It was at times where he needed to talk out loud. Michael never talked back, his insanity had seemed to remove any capability of speech from him. If Jhin concentrated on his words, perhaps the voices wouldn't bombard him with cruel thoughts. Perhaps Michael would get some much deserved reprieve. 

"I know many people now, Michael." Jhin began. "I'm scared, because they make me happy." He looked down, and began to comb through Michael's matted and tangled hair with his fingers. "Who knows when I'll break in front of them, and hurt them? What if what happened to you repeats? It's a fate I don't wish upon anyone. I still regret it."

Michael was silent, yet his eyes were wide open. He let out a snort, and stared at the wall. Jhin continued, "I have this one friend, he makes such terrible jokes. Usually if I hated someone, I would kill them. But I let him live, and my heart yearns for his company. I fear I will grow too attached. I think about him so often, it sometimes drives me crazy. I don't know what happened to me. Something about him, I do not know what it is."

Still no reaction. Jhin let out a sigh. "There's this other, who is such a violent youth. Yet there's warmth in him, and I feel guilt for being so stern to him. I fear he wants something from me, and I'm scared it's something I can't provide. I feel like I’m lying to him, but yet I feel something. A fondness."

"I've met another like myself, in the demonic matter. I fear he will learn of my truths and look down on me, as he detests humankind. I truly don't belong in either realm, mortal or demon, I am a cursed abomination, struggling with a foot in two vastly different realms." Jhin blinked and stared at the wall, thinking of what to say next. 

"Ah. There's another friend, and we share a lot in common." Jhin smiled sadly. "He is immortal like you, and he's so soft and kind. Something had happened to him, terrible things. He's very much like you, and I'm scared for him, I fear I will be bad for him, like what I did to you."

More guilt. "There is a man that assumes the same identity as me. I have done terrible things to him, even though I claimed they were rightfully done. I don't think I've left him with a good opinion of me... I think I went too far. I fear for what he might do to me, if given the chance." 

Jhin felt his face burn. Such shame and sadness. "There is another man I know, and I wish I was more like him. He has become beyond mere human through his own intelligence, and is driven with facts and logic." He hesitated. "Unlike me, who is fueled by instinct and emotions. It's odd, you wouldn't think a demon such as myself would be so unstable and lacking in impulse control. I admire him greatly… and perhaps more."

Jhin stared at the ceiling, and was startled to feel a sudden wetness. Was the duneon leaking? He blinked again, and another wet drop hit his face. It was. There was water dripping from a crack in the ceiling, and Jhin mumbled a curse under his breath. It must be raining outside. Michael stared at the ceiling as well, and flinched when a droplet of water landed on his forehead. Jhin couldn't help but chuckle.

"Of course, it's not like you can understand what I say. You're too far gone... after all." Jhin smiled sadly. "As much as I say I enjoy being myself, I wonder what I did in my past life to deserve this. No." He shook his head. "What did this world do to deserve some*thing* like me." 

Michael let out a small whine, and another drop of water splashed on his cheek. This one was different however, it was warmer than the water dripping from the ceiling. Jhin let out a shaky gasp and wiped away his tears. It was a strange thing, only his blue eye was able to cry. It was as if his demon side has completely accepted it's fate and was used to such pain. His mortal self was still dealing with things, it seemed.

Talking out loud seemed to have done the job though, as the voices hadn't attacked him, giving Michael enough time for to recover. He picked himself from Jhin's lap, and sat up on the floor, glancing about like a curious puppy. Jhin couldn't help but smile, and finished wiping away the last of the moisture from his eye.

Jhin often wondered if he was especially vulnerable when he was in the dungeon. Perhaps that's why the voices would be especially active when he was near Michael. He was determined to try to keep out those voices- no, keep out those bad thoughts, and try his best to keep himself under control. This seemed like a fruitless endeavor, as it was already the third time something like this had happened to Michael.

 _Fourth times a charm_ , Jhin thought. He was determined to try to keep his rage under control. What if he lost control when he was with one of the others...?

"No." Jhin said firmly. "I don't want that to happen." He watched Michael splash his face into the bucket of water, and shake his now soaked hair like a dog. Jhin sighed, but not out of annoyance. New thoughts demanded to enter Jhin's mind, and he cautiously let them in.

_"Keep thinking. You have reasons to actually stay committed."_

_"You may be a demon, but even a vile creature as yourself needs to learn self-control."_

_"Actions speak louder than half-assed thoughts. Prove the other thoughts wrong."_

_"You wouldn't want to disappoint them do you?"_

Jhin let the thoughts fully enter his mind, just this once. "You're right." He said softly to himself. "I'm going to try my best."

A loud clatter shook Jhin from his thinking. Michael had toppled over the bucket of water, and spilled all the cool water over himself. He let out a loud whine, and glanced at Jhin's direction. 

"All right. Let's see if you have any spare clothes that's clean for once." Jhin grumbled, heading off to find Michael a new change of clothes. After shaking himself as much as he could like a soaked dog, Michael limped and followed Jhin, blinking away water in his eyes that Jhin had not noticed.


End file.
